moonwalker

For about a zillion reasons, most of them pertaining to PMS, I skipped the gym.  Well, I had a guilty conscious because I haven’t exercised since Saturday.  I just haven’t felt good.  I felt even more like crud when I realized I was being a lazy butt today.  I finally put on my shoes, grabbed my cell phone, house keys, and mp3 player, and made it out the front door.  I did some stretches.  Then I had a crazy idea.  So I did some more stretches.

I left the house power walking.  I was in the zone.  I walked to a neighborhood next to mine, where no houses are because the project failed.  It’s just me and an impressive network of sidewalks and lots for sale.  I took a deep breath, and ran a few feet.

Yes, I ran!  For those of you that don’t know me, that’s an “UP YOURS” to this doc that once told me that I shouldn’t exercise. I worked hard to propel all 196.2 lbs of me in something resembling a jog.  But, to me, it was running.

I “sprinted” a total of 5 times.  I took the long way home, enjoying a slow walk with a smile that can’t be matched.  It was me and the glorious sun, bonding for the first time in a while.  Home, stretch, shower and smile.

While I ran, I felt my quads.  A muscle previously underused.  The last time I tried to run, four years ago, my knee cracked and I was down for a few days.  Today I felt new muscles trying to take up the task of something totally unfamiliar.

About 5 years ago I was told that I needed to lose weight.  My knees would give out under the strain of supporting me.   I went to physical therapy and was told my knee cap was twisted.  I had to quit physical therapy when I had to deal with cancer appts.  There was only one car between me and my hubby, and no sitter for our 2 kids.  One thing became priority.   My doc said “lose weight by dieting.  Don’t exercise, except for maybe walking on flat surfaces.”  I lived in LA at the time.  Flat surfaces are not to be found!  So I walked.  I walked, my knees gave out, I fell.  I got scabs.  But I didn’t give up through all the embaressment.  I pressed on.

A few months later, my bro-in-law died resulting in my hubby’s PTSD from deploying spiraling out of control.  I quit.  I gave in.  I gained up to 215.5 lbs.  I put on weight so quickly I looked bloated.  Everyone thought I was pregnant again.

Months after that, I joined Curves.  I cried when I made it under 200.  I made it down to 197, got lazy, and quit bothering with it.  The weight came back.  I injured my rotator cuff and finally quit altogether.

Same thing the next year with Gold’s Gym.   No long-term motivation.

This time has been different.  I WANT to run.  I DREAM about running.  I dream that I take off and keep going.  I want to feel the release.  I want to go for it.  But my body wasn’t ready.  I’ve been weight training since Jan, but most steadily since mid-Feb.  Today I felt ready.  I knew in my head that I could do this.  It’s time to go back a few years.  It’s time to live like a 26 year old.  I ran.

I didn’t run long or far.  All that is later down the road.  I ran, feeling the ghetto booty bounce and the quads tightening.  And it was the loveliest feeling in my life.   It was like being born again.

TOM is here and I hurt bad!  Hoping that Ibuprofen will have me walking tall again soon.  Yes, I hurt so bad that I don’t want to move.  :(  Oh, and for added fun, it started yesterday, on Easter.  How miserable!

Last Monday I hit 195.8.  So, of course, today I weighed 197.3.   Still, wow!  One of my biggest struggles has been to keep myself under 200.   I said I never wanted to leave Onederland again.  I’m just up 1.5 lbs.  Not bad for TOM!  Hopefully I’ll be able to weigh later this week and have something to show for myself.

Being stuck in the 190’s is fairly laughable.  Beats bouncing around in the 200’s!  I can’t wait till I’m stuck in the 180’s.  Point is, I’m getting there slowly just like I’m supposed to.

I looked up some motivation last weekend when I felt crabby [and now we know why].  I stumbled across weight-loss tips.  The staples- eating right, sleeping enough, water, etc.  Then I found one I really liked.  It said to keep your goals small.  Almost tiny.  Some of us think, “Man, I’ve got 60 lbs to lose!”  Be careful with that!  Be careful with the stress involved.  Instead, say “This week, I’m going to watch my cals and exercise.  I want to lose ONE pound.”  End of story.    Well, that’s my new idea.  No more crunching numbers like the math wiz I am.  I just want to lose one solid pound a week.  Each day I exercise, I can pat myself on the back for creating the calorie defecit that contributes to weight loss.  It’s time I feel good about me for a change!

Although I sincerely hope to be less than 196.3 next Monday, I’ll set the rule in place today.

I want to lose 1 lb this week.  

Now I better get to work! 

What a crazy day and it’s only the afternoon!

I taped myself this morning, like I do on Saturday.  I lost an inch in both my hips and thighs.  A light went on inside my head.  I knew it!  I got into those pants I love earlier this week.  But still, I’m so darn excited!  My food and exercise has been off this week.  I have motivation!

Total: 14 inches lost since January! 

Then some people from a church I don’t attend came by to help me.  4 wonderful, smiling, upbeat people, jumped on ladders, grabbed some trash bags,  used the water hose, and cleaned my gutters!  Unfortunately for me, they found that there are some potential problems with the roof, maybe water damage, and a definite issue with my chimney.  But they are committed!  A few of them are coming back next weekend to fix what they can.

The people I’m referring to are part of a local ministry that helps people when their spouses are deployed to Iraq.  God will call you to do anything!  Talking, listening, reading, cooking, manual labor, financially, singing, playing an instrument, and whatever else you can imagine!   I look around today and just felt blessed.  I wanted to cry.  Getting help today was a lesson to “let go and let God.”    I forget that because I always have to be so strong!  I got to be weak today, to be helped, to admit that I’m not Superwoman.  I did help, don’t get me wrong.

I doubt I’ll hit the gym today.  Later on, my dad-in-law is coming over to take things from my shed to the thrift store.  I’ll be hauling more stuff around.   Getting hands-on, doing the work, is my favorite exercise.  Sure, hitting the weights is good and I know it.  But I like to see a clean room, a groomed lawn, a painted wall.  I was raised to work for what I have.

Probably some Pilates tonight.  The Easter bunny won’t be coming for me, but I’m sure to have some cals shoved down my throat tomorrow!

I received a lot of feedback yesterday and I wanted to thank everyone for their time and kind words.  I really want to be a part of something positive, forward-moving, and, let’s face it, realistic.  :]  I mean, we’re all going to have “those days,” right?

Today’s not been too bad for me.  3 hours of lectures and I’ll spend at least 2 on homework.  My shoulder hurts more today than yesterday, but I don’t think I’ve seriously damaged it.  I have “full range of motion,” or, I can move my arm like normal, it just hurts to do so.  Now I heal.  I am taking a break from the gym until December.  I’ll be bike riding, walking, and whatever else I feel inclined/able to do.  Who wants to hold me accountable?

I’m new here and I don’t know how the meeting people thing works.

I feel a bit out of place reading through blogs and profiles. I have seen a few.

Do I just e-mail random people in an attempt to reach out?

Let me know how you have managed to meet people on here so I can try.

Thanks so much!

Lee