moonwalker

Yes, I’m a sick girl.  Mean, evil sinus infection.  I think I’m mostly over it.

Needless to say, there has been no exercise since last Thursday, except last night.  I did 30 minutes free step on the Wii- 3,139 steps!  Woo!

I’m trying to get better and I’ll exercise in the comfort of my home when I get the energy.  I don’t want to risk picking up something else at the gym.  Or the store.  I don’t even really want to leave the house.

In good news, I bet the plateau and finally hit 194.4 this morning!  That was my Monday goal, but I’ll take it.  I drank too much alcohol over the weekend, and when I finally got water in me, my body held onto it b/c I dehydrated myself.   I KNOW better.  So I’m sitting out a party this weekend so I can take care of me.

In all of this, I’m doing my best to eat right.  I want to succeed.  Every day I have to drive by McD’s 4 times to get the kids to/from school.   I pretend it’s not really there or try to imagine nasty dripping grease.  LOL!  Hey, whatever works!  I’ve done an amazing job of avoiding fast food and pizza delivery.   In my mind, I should be at least 190 by now.  And who knows where I’d be without weight training?  But I like the weights, now that I know what I’m doing, that is.

April:

Start: 197.3

End: 194.4

Total: 2.9 lbs lost!  2.75 inches lost!

Ugh. I feel like crap!

First off, I have this sinus infection that is making me feel like I have fluid in my ears [so maybe I do?]. It makes me feel off balanced. I took some meds and now I can at least breathe! I just have trouble hearing. It’s really difficult to concentrate.

Secondly, I went on a drinking marathon this weekend. OH MY GOSH! Friday night it was beer, beer, beer and a couple shots of Everglo. Last night it was bourbon, vodka, beer, more vodka, on and on and on! I have never been so giggly and happy in my life. I even tried dancing! So count that as my exercise for the weekend b/c that’s all there is since Thursday!

The third thing is food. I’m sick. Not really hungry. I haven’t had a balanced meal since Friday lunch time. Usually drinking makes me eat something greasy, like Waffle House. Not this time. I’m lucky to get food in me. Example- my dinner tonight was a Fiber One bar. It’s the only thing around me that looked edible!

The last thing is the kicker. I’m confused. So confused. My brother runs track and he came by to give me tips and show me stretches. He says not to run longer than 10 minutes on weight training days. So, what’s more important- the weights or running? Furthermore, I’m not even a good runner yet. So can I practice running and do weights on the same day? He doesn’t think so. Oh, what to do?

Running is the best thing to happen to me in a long while. It’s the best natural high for me. I feel like I’m accomplished, strong, and sexy. I feel like I beat the odds and stood up for myself. [Which is actually true.] It’s addicting. I am going to give up cigarettes for running. I’d rather run and feel amazing than smoke a cigarette, enjoy it, and need another one in 30 minutes or so.

My brother also said that to lose weight, 30 minutes of exercise 3 times a week is enough. Hmmm? I told my father-in-law who bluntly told me, “That’s loaded because men lose weight easier than women.” Point. I just feel pressured. I want to run. I want to weight train. I want to excel at both, in time. My trainer wants me on the weights 4 times a week. I need to practice running about 3 times a week. [It’s a sliding scale for beginners. Walk 5 minutes, run 5 minutes, etc. Which I can’t even run 5 whole minutes yet!] That’s 7 days a week. I don’t have the help I need on the weekends to get out and do all that. So, what do I do?

It used to be that I would avoid exercise. Now I’m trying to max it out without killing myself. Ha ha ha! My mom accuses me of always making things seem worse than they are. No, mom, I just don’t want a sports injury. I’m a heavy girl. On the other hand, I’m a strong girl. I need someone to talk to outside of the gym trainer and my brother. I’d like some answers that aren’t biased.

*sighs*

That’s where I’m at. I feel nervous about the weigh-in tomorrow. I feel stupid about some of the things I did last night. And I’m behind on housework. Maybe I should run tomorrow. That always ups my energy and I can get more done!

So, while I was in a frantic rush this morning to get my kids ready for school (thank goodness for my back-up alarm), I did manage to walk into my bathroom and look at the mirror long enough to see myself.

And I scared myself!

No, no. I’m not hideous. The random sweet person goes so far as to call me pretty. What I saw was my face, totally bleached of color. My eyes aren’t sparkling. I’m sick! I don’t know if it’s a cold or sinus infection or allergies, but I have no energy or color.

I’ve known for 2 days that this was coming. I look exhausted. I FEEL exhausted. There’s so much I want to do today. I can’t get off my butt!

Needless to say, that after 3 days of weight training, I’m taking the day off. Besides, I don’t want to be at the gym picking up germs if my immune system is already busy. Just pray for me because I end up in the ER on average once a year with some weird strain of something they never can diagnose. I get a bag of meds, including an inhaler and Robitussin with codeine. I can’t have that! I have kids to raise ALONE!

I would be upset at my inability to do something, but I have a progress report.
1. Less hanging arm fat.
2. I thought weight training would bulk me up, but my forearms are toning up and looking down-right feminine. They haven’t been this small and tone since high school!
3. The back fat is shrinking.
4. The belly is getting smaller.
5. My inner thighs are totally transformed from nastiness to real legs.
6. Oh, and I guess it’s good, but my ghetto booty is getting smaller all the time. ? ? Ha ha! I don’t know!
7. I actually am resembling a woman with a figure. The hubby will be shocked! I know I am!

I did some research last night on losing weight while weight training. I learned that a lot of woman had to ditch their ideal weight for fit and trim bodies. I know that I will lose some weight. Probably closer to 150 than 140, though. Whatever! I’ve been solo weight-training since March 11. One month and 12 days and I have a whole list of progress reports. I’d rather lift weights (or use machines, haven’t done much free weight stuff YET) than waste all day on cardio. Yes, I do cardio. *sighs* How to explain myself? LOL! I’m around kids all day. I need adult communication.

At the end of the day, when I crawl into bed sore and achy, I feel good. I feel accomplished. I did lunges and squats yesterday and told my trainer I wouldn’t be able to walk today. BUT I CAN! I don’t hurt in my knees like I did when I was doing them. I keep thinking of myself as a machine. I can push and push and just end up bettering myself. It’s crazy.

Exercise Today: walk/to from gym, 8 min warm-up cardio, lower body weight train with trainer (learned a new routine), 15 min cardio Total time: 1 hr 15 min

Weight: I logged on the Wii this morning because I had set a challenge to lose 4 lbs in 4 weeks. Not only did I not meet the challenge, I seemed to have gained a lb since Monday! So I’m at 196. Ugh. I complained to my trainer and he told me “muscle!” No way was I gonna high-five on that! I’m so sick of gaining muscle! I’m shrinking and I feel better. But let the numbers drop every now and then, huh? Seriously…  [And yes, I’m eating right.]

Soreness: Um, what part of me doesn’t hurt? Weight training and running takes a toll on my big self. *sighs* I know I’m doing the right thing. I’ll keep going.

Motivation: Basically, where I’m at now, I never dreamed I’d be at. I can “run”, weight train by myself, and eat healthy. There is no way a year ago I would have done this. I know. I had the same opportunities then as I do now. I looked back at my journal from last year. I wrote I was 192 lbs. Oh really? ‘Cuz I’m finally in clothes I’ve never worn. Clothes that have been sitting in my closet for 3 freakin’ years. And that’s why weight doesn’t matter too too much.

Exercise: walk to gym, 5 min cardio, upper body weight train circuit (I upped the weights by 5-10 lbs, and did 3 sets of 10 instead of 15 because I’m getting sick and my endurance is down), left gym ran/jogged/walked home, changed shoes, went out another 10-15 minutes for a run/walk/jog, came home and stretched. Total time: a little over an hour

Pain: Oh my gosh! My right quad has a piercing pain that’s sticking around after the run and my left ham string had a pain that only bothered me running.

The plan: Keep training slow and steady. I can’t run for long right now. And I probably hurt because I lower body weight trained yesterday, and will again tomorrow with my trainer. Ugh…

And the getting sick thing: allergies are up and I seem to be getting a sinus infection I can feel in my throat.

Motivation: I have a whole drawer of shorts I bought last year and squeezed into. I’m wearing a pair right now that fit horribly last summer. I look decent. I can really tell that my belly is getting smaller. Running and the elliptical skier are helping. Well, so is the diet. I eat a lot less fat than I used to, but I’m still not the model of ideal diet. Anyway, belly fat is the HARDEST to get off, so I’m excited. It’s so good to see results!

Seriously hoping to drop a pound this week. It’s day 2 and I’m kicking butt!

Ha! Monday morning weigh-in at 195.1. I’m down 2 lbs 6 oz from yesterday morning! I made sure to drink tons of water and eat right. I didn’t exercise, I rarely do on Sunday, but I did stay active. I guess that 2+ lbs was water weight, maybe even that big meal I had Friday night. It’s gone and time to move on!

194.1 is my goal for next Monday.

Exercise: walk to and from gym, 15-20 minutes; 5 min cardio warm-up; lower body weight training; 15 min cardio; total time: 1 hr 30 min

June 4 challenge: I want to be in the area of 190 lbs (less is good!) and in a size 14. I bought a whole bunch of size 14 jeans, shorts, and capris about 4 years ago when I was trying to lose weight. I have a whole wardrobe sitting around with price tags on them! I may or may not be going to Florida. Also, the hubby is due to visit the states around that time. I want to show him a new me! 2 sizes down from when he was last here.

Feeling good and ready to go out there and kick some butt!

It feels so good to lose, but sometimes it’s inevitable to slip up. And then, yeah, life goes on. So I’m 2 lbs up and not really in the mood to worry with it. I have other, better things on my mind…

RUNNING!

So, earlier this week I went out and sprinted some. It killed my shins, quads, and right hip. I went out yesterday for a re-try and I don’t really hurt! I tried some new advice like “push off from your toes” and have good shoes, etc. Anyway, it was a ton of fun and a decent hangover cure, believe it. Ha ha! I did have the “power breakfast” before I went- egg whites with 2% cheese and salsa, 2 slices whole wheat toast with sugar-free jelly, and a banana. Yum!

My new plan is to lower body weight train on Mon, run on Wed, and weight train on Fri again if I can. Upper body weight train on Tues and Thurs. The weekends are still free-for-alls. I got out yesterday because my kids where with their grandparents. It’s not always like that.

Anyway, right now, I’m taking it one thing at a time. Run, eat, weights, sleep. Oh yeah, and stop smoking!

I know I should go to the gym, but I feel so physically beat up. My shins and quads still hurt. My pecs are sore. I can’t stand it when my legs are sore because I HAVE to walk on them. Seriously! So I don’t think I’m hitting the gym today.

In my little corner of the world, I have a bazillion things to do. Clean bathrooms, do laundry, vacuum, etc. I sure won’t be sitting still today! Which is good because I won’t get stiff. I’m sure I’ll pop in a video tonight or do some time on the Wii Fit. I’ll just make sure I don’t eat as much as I would if I were working out real hard.

My weight was back down to 195.6 this morning. Whew! All the TOM weight is gone. I would love a loss down to 194 this Monday, which is why I’m all cranky that the weekend is coming and I won’t be going to the gym. Oh well. No sense in over-stressing sore muscles!

Next week is a new week. I have new goals for myself. Thankfully, the diet doesn’t change. I got that one down!

I’m off to clean the house some more! I will fight disappointment in myself by getting to work. I need to quit being such a perfectionist! I’m only stressing myself.

If you read my blog yesterday, you know that I tried to run. And, in my mind, I did. I sprinted a few times while going on a walk and I LOVED it.

Running has already changed things for me. Because I learned that I could do it. 4 years ago when I tried, I hurt my knees. Today it’s my shins, quads, and right hip. This proves to me that I can do it. There are muscles there begging to be tried and tested. I didn’t run with my knees. I’m becoming more fit than ever.

So, for fun, I bought new running shoes. Reebok DMX, white with lime green and electric blue. I’ve been wearing them to break them in before I try to run next week. I was told to look at good socks too. And the Queen of All Control- a sports bra that holds me in, kinda like duct tape.

My brother runs track and cross country and I’ll be picking his brain. My husband runs for PT in the Army and I’ll bug him too [if he calls or e-mails]. Any advice from any one who runs on here is welcome.

I also want to talk to my trainer at the gym. When I mentioned that I tried to run yesterday, he smiled. He’s sure to be a help, when he’s not busy. Ah, poor trainer dude. He’s always busy!

Exercise today: walk to the gym, 8 minutes, cardio warm-up, 5 minutes, upper body weight training, 30 something minutes, fat burn on skier, 10 minutes, walk home, 10 minutes

For about a zillion reasons, most of them pertaining to PMS, I skipped the gym.  Well, I had a guilty conscious because I haven’t exercised since Saturday.  I just haven’t felt good.  I felt even more like crud when I realized I was being a lazy butt today.  I finally put on my shoes, grabbed my cell phone, house keys, and mp3 player, and made it out the front door.  I did some stretches.  Then I had a crazy idea.  So I did some more stretches.

I left the house power walking.  I was in the zone.  I walked to a neighborhood next to mine, where no houses are because the project failed.  It’s just me and an impressive network of sidewalks and lots for sale.  I took a deep breath, and ran a few feet.

Yes, I ran!  For those of you that don’t know me, that’s an “UP YOURS” to this doc that once told me that I shouldn’t exercise. I worked hard to propel all 196.2 lbs of me in something resembling a jog.  But, to me, it was running.

I “sprinted” a total of 5 times.  I took the long way home, enjoying a slow walk with a smile that can’t be matched.  It was me and the glorious sun, bonding for the first time in a while.  Home, stretch, shower and smile.

While I ran, I felt my quads.  A muscle previously underused.  The last time I tried to run, four years ago, my knee cracked and I was down for a few days.  Today I felt new muscles trying to take up the task of something totally unfamiliar.

About 5 years ago I was told that I needed to lose weight.  My knees would give out under the strain of supporting me.   I went to physical therapy and was told my knee cap was twisted.  I had to quit physical therapy when I had to deal with cancer appts.  There was only one car between me and my hubby, and no sitter for our 2 kids.  One thing became priority.   My doc said “lose weight by dieting.  Don’t exercise, except for maybe walking on flat surfaces.”  I lived in LA at the time.  Flat surfaces are not to be found!  So I walked.  I walked, my knees gave out, I fell.  I got scabs.  But I didn’t give up through all the embaressment.  I pressed on.

A few months later, my bro-in-law died resulting in my hubby’s PTSD from deploying spiraling out of control.  I quit.  I gave in.  I gained up to 215.5 lbs.  I put on weight so quickly I looked bloated.  Everyone thought I was pregnant again.

Months after that, I joined Curves.  I cried when I made it under 200.  I made it down to 197, got lazy, and quit bothering with it.  The weight came back.  I injured my rotator cuff and finally quit altogether.

Same thing the next year with Gold’s Gym.   No long-term motivation.

This time has been different.  I WANT to run.  I DREAM about running.  I dream that I take off and keep going.  I want to feel the release.  I want to go for it.  But my body wasn’t ready.  I’ve been weight training since Jan, but most steadily since mid-Feb.  Today I felt ready.  I knew in my head that I could do this.  It’s time to go back a few years.  It’s time to live like a 26 year old.  I ran.

I didn’t run long or far.  All that is later down the road.  I ran, feeling the ghetto booty bounce and the quads tightening.  And it was the loveliest feeling in my life.   It was like being born again.